Carried Away
by Candy96
Summary: Erin and Jay cool things off, now Erin doesn't know how to deal with her decision and makes a bad move.
1. Chapter 1

Hey! This idea has been on my mind since the last chapter. This can we a one shoot or if you like I can do some more chapter with Jay and everything going on,that's your choise. Hope you like it!

-I don't own the characters or serie.

* * *

Things weren't supposed to happen this way. I wasn't supposed to be driving home alone, holding tears over a man. I was supposed to be hugged in his arms, walking with him towards our first month anniversary date. But I freaked out as I always do, I couldn't do the only thing he wanted the most for me. I couldn't betray my only father figure. I shouldn't be putting others over my feelings. I should be with Jay being happy. But then again, things never go as I plan them to.

I climb the steps to my floor quickly, not wanting to wait the lift. Inside my apartment I walk with the lights off right to my bedroom, just wanting to change into my pj's and get some vodka for the rest of the night. When I switch the light on I see it, the floor is covered in roses petals, the night table have candles on it, the way to the bathroom in suit made of petals lead me to my tub, covered in bubbles, bottles of smelling salt on the floor.

I couldn't hold it any more; I fell on my knees, tears streaming down my face, my shaking hands hugging myself. This is all on me, I let him go.

I don't know how much time I spent sitting against the full tub but I'm again on my feet, washing my face with cold water. The knock on the door gets louder as I walk my way to open it. I'm not expecting visitors, and definitely I'm not in the mood for visits. I stand once again in front of the mirror, my eyes are still bloodshot as well as the tip of my nose and my cheeks. I don't care about it.

On the other side of the door stood my surrogate father, his left arm resting comfy in the cast, his other hand in his front pocket. The only and unique person that I didn't want to see or talk right now is in my door step and I can't do anything about it.

"What are you doing here Hank?" I sight as I close the door, Voight making his way to the couch.

"Just checking on you kid, everything all right?" I hate when he do this.

"I should be the one checking on you, how's your shoulder?" I grab a beer from the fridge and popped it open.

"Nothing to worry about, in a few days it will be as good as always. You didn't answer my question. Are you okay?"

"Stop it; I'm not in the mood for your question and answers game." I stood in front of him, taking all my anger with him. "You know exactly what happened, it's what you wanted all the time so be happy with it."

I'm walking to the rack to get my leather jacket when I hear him "I did what was best for both of you."

"You did what was best for you. I'm going out; stay, go back home, do whatever you want."

I left him sitting on my couch, I needed to get out, to forget for a while, and distract myself. As I was driving to Molly's I changed my mind, he could be there, there were too many memories of us together there, and I wasn't ready to face it. I drove to my old neighborhood, I still remember the dark bars over there and who to hang out with. After all, they didn't know where I was all these year and who I was with. There, I was still the junkie little Erin, and I could get what I wanted. There, I would weight off my mind for a while, just like the old times.

* * *

Should I leave it there or continue it?


	2. Chapter 2

hello hello hello! I'm back with Jay's pov as you wished! It's not my best but all I could write about him. Probably I'll do some more updates in this fanfic. Enjoy it.

* * *

Deep inside my heart I knew that we together wouldn't last forever, but I never imagined that it was going to be so short. So short and vivid.

After promising her to always have each other back, I opened my locker and took my jacket. I couldn't stand the feeling of being just next to her, smell her and don't touch her. I barely murmur a simple "bye" and next minute I'm outside the precinct. I still can feel the weight of her face resting comfy in my hand, her hazel eyes looking at me pitifully, yet I recognized the sadness in her voice. I know that to cool things off wasn't what she wanted but if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't have the guts to tell Voight either.

I decided to walk home, this morning she picked me up and my car is park outside my building. On my way home I called the petite French restaurant she loves and I cancel our reservation. Then I remember her bedroom, how I decorated in my lunch break. I feel stupid.

Once inside home the first thing I do is walk to my bedroom and change my bed sheets. Tonight it's going to be hard to sleep without her, and her smell all over the place won't help; then I showered, hoping that the water will help me forget the events of the day but when I stood in front of the sink I see her toothbrush and I know that I have some long days ahead.

Half an hour later, on my couch lays a bag with all her belongings. I am already changed in my jeans and t-shirt and starting my way to Mouse's. As much as I want to drive to her place and give her the bag, I'm still not ready to move on. The truth is that I don't want to move on. Not without her.

Mouse is always good company; we had been together though so much that I feel him as a brother. Until now, I didn't realize how much I missed hanging out with him.

"You are seeing somebody?" Mouse knows me so well. I wish I could share all about Erin with him, tell him the greatest time we had, how I feel when she falls asleep on my chest. But then I remember, she ended all that a few hours ago.

I can only answer a simple "I guess I was. For a minute." And it's the truth. It was so short, so passionate, so vivid, so caring, so deep. I got lost in her love, in our romance. I learnt to live with her, to wake up with her in my arms, to have lunch and dinner together; I tasted her lips, I loved her body, I meet her soul, I was in her brain, in her heart. Now I'm all alone again.

* * *

p.s: THANKS for all the revies and follows and favs, you guys are amazing.


	3. Chapter 3

Heeeeeeeeello, I'm back. Llittle alert, like big alert. This chapter it's like the begging of all the story, I guess this isn't what you imagined or what you guys had in mind but this was what I wanted since the idea came to my mind. I hope you all like it and stay put, there will be more.

* * *

The moment I walked inside the dark, creepy bar I knew everything was going to be different. I shouldn't have come here. I sat on an empty stool in front of the bartender and asked for a tequila shot. As soon as it was on the rod I emptied it and asked for another, and another, and another. I stopped in the fifth one. It wasn't a decent brand and I knew tomorrow I'd we dealing with a strong headache.

I looked at the young boy sitting two stools away from me. He had been checking on me since I sat here. He is not more than 21, his deep-blue eyes remind me of Jay's ones and I can't stop staring him. He walks towards me with a beer in each hand and sits next to me, setting a bottle in front of me. I raise my beer to him and drink a much needed gulp.

We do a trumpery chat while finishing our beer and next thing I know is that I'm standing onto a dim gangway kissing fervently with this guy. I feel his hands all over my body and I know this is wrong, really wrong, but he is getting into my bones. It might be the alcohol in my system, the sadness of cooling things off, my anger with Voight or the disappointment I feel for myself for quitting so quickly, I don't know what it is but leads me to get lost in the moment, to allow myself to this.

I kissing him back with the same passion when he stops, grabs my hand tightly and start running. The change makes me feel dizzy but I follow him, asking where we are heading to. We stop in the doorstep of a striking house, quite different from the ones of that neighborhood, he search inside his pockets and put a key out, then opens the door. Once inside we start kissing again, walking towards the stairs, without breaking the kiss he holds me up and carries me up to a bedroom. We fall onto the single bed and start ripping out our clothes, needing each other touch. His mouth is on my neck, my breast, my belly, between my legs; he is not Jay, and I can't even compare them, this is all passion, lust without feeling attached, there's not caring all over this. I moan frustrated when he stands from the bed and starts searching in the writing desk drawer, I walk behind him and see him taking a condom out of a black pencil case, he also takes a little transparent package with small, rounded, white pills, a smiley face printed on one side. I've seen tons of those pills over the past years, and I used to consume then in my teen ages.

My heart stops for a minute when I see him giving me a happy pill. "This is it" I think. I can refuse it, get my clothes and walk away, or I can consume it, feel the adrenaline run through my veins, enjoy a probably good lay and be back in that kind of life. I remember Jay's sad eyes from earlier this night at the precinct, Voight telling me that it was the best for both of us, and I just want to forget all. I take the pill and sallow it quickly, without giving me the chance to doubt it, to change my mind. I close my eyes for a minute and I feel the boy mouth sucking my neck, his hands around my waist, his hard manhood rubbing my lower belly and I sight in pleasure, disappointed too.

I am weak, I relapsed. I am junkie Erin once again.

* * *

TBC


End file.
